What does it mean to be real? To be authentic? To me, it means being honest with myself about who I am, my motivations, my actions, reactions, and the methods I use to distract myself (hide) from personal weakness and shame. My personal weakness is that I want to be and feel special. My whole life, I wanted to be special and recognized for it. Recognized for being smart, beautiful, kind, generous, funny, successful, etc.
As a kid when I didn’t get the recognition I was looking for, I would develop a plan and work towards earning that recognition. I sought recognition and approval from my father, my teachers, my friends and eventually my husband, my co-workers, the general public, and so on. I never stopped to consider whether I approved of myself, let alone what value other people’s approval had. It’s only recently that I acknowledged my approval seeking behavior and the motivation behind it. And ouch. That realization was rough. Really hard. But once I saw the pitfalls I had fallen into because of my approval seeking behavior, I felt set free. I could stop caring what other people though and do something different. I could be real. I could be honest about my weakness and shame, i.e. my own worthiness or lack of. I could share this struggle with other people and practice being real. Being compassionate. And being authentic.
So I’ve pledged to give up caring what other people think, particularly whether or not they approve of me. I know this isn’t going to be easy. Some days I’ll win. And some days I’ll lose. But I’ll keep showing up. And I’ll keep playing.
And since I’m talking about playing and winning, let’s visit Ace Reveal Sweepstakes and see what Lady Luck has in store for us today.
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